Fill in the blank OPPO. "OK.... but don't touch the _______ !!!!!!!!!"

"EL_ULY" (uly)
11/02/2015 at 17:39 • Filed to: None

If you’re like me, you’ve never owned a new car. Still though, someone will want to borrow your jalopy eventually for “something real quick”. The response is like the the title above. What would be in the blank?

In my first car *shivers* (e28 535is ), i’d always say, “Ok, but don’t drive it in the rain (bad distributor cap) or open the sunroof (had to mechanically close it sometimes when it warm out)

On my e34 it was, “Ok, but don’t touch the recline the passenger seat (had to mechanically return it to normal) and don’t turn the a/c to high speed (blower motor was loose and made a horrible sound)

E36 ///M3..... “Ok, but push the door down when closing it (auto window down ‘coupe’ was inop) and don’t lower the passenger window (it worked most of the time, but sometimes it came off the track)

and maaaaany other ”Don’t do’s” on my other dumb German cars. That Silverado I had though, that was 1,000,000,000,000% SOLID!!!

DISCUSSION (62)

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 17:41

ok, but be careful on the shift into 3rd, the synchro is worn

nearly every car I’ve owned ever.

V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 17:44

Ok, but don't lock the doors

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard
11/02/2015 at 17:51

I’ve literally siad this before when letting some one drive my 91 civic. “When sifting into second, you have to rev up a bit, and swivel the shifter in a counter clockwise circle, while also GENTLY pushing it into gear, the shifter will find it’s way in, DONT FORCE IT!.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches
11/02/2015 at 17:52

My Galant’s Alarm is... well an OEM alarm from an 80’s car. Everytime you unlock the car the alarm goes off.

Dunnik > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 17:53

Do not touch the VSA OFF button.

Nonster > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 17:57

Ok, but be careful when crossing traffic, first gear is an unsynchronized granny gear so you’ll be going 5 mph when you have to perform a precarious dump-truck like shift in the middle of the road, and the steering is really sloppy so you gotta pay attention, and there’s no doors and rust holes in the floor so if you drop your phone its probably gonna get run over and then you have to watc.....on second thought maybe you should borrow someone else’s car....

my old CJ-7

Svend > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 18:04

Simple and short answer is ‘no’, longer answer is ‘nope’, longer still is ‘no way’ and ‘not a chance in hell, are you serious asking me this crap?’, followed by “Europcar is round the corner, and Enterprise is across from them, hire one for a few days”. If it’s just for a trip, I’ll take them or they can get a taxi.

V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles
11/02/2015 at 18:06

My locks and trunk are operated by a vacuum motor, which is currently broken, so...

yitznewton > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 18:10

OK, but don’t change the driver’s seat height adjustment! Ye mechanism is broken and it only goes up.

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles
11/02/2015 at 18:13

my current one isn’t so finicky. just have to rev match and double clutch when needed.

Dusty Ventures > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 18:18

OK, but don’t take the SI-Drive out of “intelligent” mode

JGrabowMSt > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 18:20

My rear alignment is out *just enough* to cause the rear to swing out when taking a turn on wet pavement. No need to go fast, just turn. In the HEMIWagon, do not touch the ESP OFF button. I like my car, I’d like it back in one piece and just like I had it before it was borrowed.

Otherwise, don’t touch the butt.

Alfalfa > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 18:34

I just tell my wife to please not scrape the wheels.

EL_ULY > beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard
11/02/2015 at 18:42

do it smooooothly please!

EL_ULY > V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches
11/02/2015 at 18:42

Vacuum eh?

EL_ULY > Svend
11/02/2015 at 18:43

Lol, not even a family member?

EL_ULY > Nonster
11/02/2015 at 18:43

Oh man, sounds like my uncles Dodge super duty lol except w/o rust.

EL_ULY > JGrabowMSt
11/02/2015 at 18:44

might get squirmy :]

EL_ULY > yitznewton
11/02/2015 at 18:45

I’ve had a lot of that same thing in cars lol

EL_ULY > Dusty Ventures
11/02/2015 at 18:46

I’d disconnect it before hand from the back of the switch lol :]

EL_ULY > Alfalfa
11/02/2015 at 18:46

YES THIS!

Trunk Impaired 318 > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 18:47

Dont touch the quarter.

On my Aw11 MR2 theres a quarter stuck in one of the wheels to adjust a blower. Im not exactly sure what the quarter is actually doing but the previous owner told me that is very important that the quarter remain there because........thats what the person she bought it from told her.

EL_ULY > Trunk Impaired 318
11/02/2015 at 18:47

WUT???? Pics please!

camaroboy68ss > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 18:52

I don't let anyone but family drive my cars. Especially when most of my friends can't drive a manual or know how to handle somthing with 400hp

EL_ULY > camaroboy68ss
11/02/2015 at 18:54

Is there anything they can’t touch or special instructions?

Svend > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 18:59

No. I’ll take them, they can take a taxi or hire a car. If they have taken their car to a garage then they should of insisted on a courtesy car.

camaroboy68ss > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 18:59

Basically I’d tell them drive it like a grandma. I know if any of my friends drove any my cars they would ferris bueller that and break something. Hence why I don’t let others drive my cars. I had some buddies think it was funny in high school to grab my keys in the locker room after football practice as I was changing and run out hop in my truck and proceed to do burnouts on my fairly new tires. That's when my friends don't drive my car policy was enacted.

aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 19:07

Don’t turn the wheel while you’re stationary or it’ll squeal like hell.

Also don’t pump the gas while you start it, she may be a hard starter but it won’t help any because its early efi.

Also you’ll probally have to smack the left taillight when you turn the lights on.

Oh yeah and sometimes when you’re going down the road the lights will just turn off, all you gotta do is flip the knob off and on again.

The emergency flashers don’t work, so don’t break down.

Yeah and sometimes it’ll scrape on dips if you’re speeding

Oh yeah, almost forgot about this one, try not to hit the center of the steering wheel because its not connected anymore and it’ll just fall off the wheel and end up in your lap.

Sometimes the window switches won’t work properly so try jiggling them back and forth. Better yet don’t put the windows down at all.

The sunroof broke so stop trying to open it.

YES, I KNOW IT SMELLS LIKE OIL.

pip bip - choose Corrour > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 19:14

sadly my last 3 cars were new.

everything still works fine in my current Lancer.

V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 19:19

Yep. I just don't want to lock them and then not have enough vacuum power to open then again ...

Autohaus Derp > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 20:58

Ok but don’t go round corners.

Because F Body

EL_ULY > Autohaus Derp
11/02/2015 at 21:12

With the right tires, any car = racecar

EL_ULY > V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches
11/02/2015 at 21:20

Dat delay. My 210 is like that lol

EL_ULY > pip bip - choose Corrour
11/02/2015 at 21:20

Luckyyyy

EL_ULY > aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe
11/02/2015 at 21:21

You sir are a true jalop !!!!!

EL_ULY > camaroboy68ss
11/02/2015 at 21:22

Lol dang. Understood!

EL_ULY > Svend
11/02/2015 at 21:23

Dayum

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe
11/02/2015 at 21:31

Dude. That’s so many Jalop points. My only issue is be careful adjusting the blower fan speed because the knob will fall off.

Opposite Locksmith > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 21:34

Don’t touch the bottom half of a mechanical pencil mechanism sticking out of the dash that completes the circuit for the security system after the button broke off

Had to tell this to dealer how bought it on trade it for a couple thousand. 97 montero 227k miles. Take the pencil out and it bricks the car

Santiago of Escuderia Boricua > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 21:38

OK, but don’t park it on a hill because the handbrake doesn’t work.

OK, but keep an eye on the temp gauge.

Svend > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 21:42

Lol. I just don’t trust people and wouldn’t trust them with my baby-girl. I’ve seen how others treat their own cars and now they’ll be less inclined to look after it when It’s some else’s. I only allow drinking in the car by passengers because the fabric is coated and has a stain resistant coating on top of that. No food like sweets such as boiled sweets or soft gummy like sweets are allowed as they soften and can set into the weave of the carpet and though not a massive inconvenience I would have to carefully cut it or lift it out, shampoo and scrub the area which will lift some of the weave and then I’d have to shave the fibres to restore it to just new condition.

EL_ULY > Svend
11/02/2015 at 21:59

You have discipline, I could respect that. Lol on Saturday i left the winfow down on the passenger side a liiiiittle bit and after hours of rain, my carpets got soaked lol

EL_ULY > Santiago of Escuderia Boricua
11/02/2015 at 22:00

The ol’ temp gauge.... as an owner of 4 old crappy bimmers, that brings back memories :]

EL_ULY > Opposite Locksmith
11/02/2015 at 22:03

Omg that is awesome! Thanx for sharing dude!!! So ran.

I ran a power wire straight into my flasher relay on my e28. To complete the circuit, i foubd a random ground. Welp, my turn signals worked fine now.... except that they were now tied into door locks when activated

Santiago of Escuderia Boricua > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 22:05

Yep. The e36 lyfe!

At least I have an obd2 car so I can watch the exact temp on my phone

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 22:21

Safari: “Okay, but the passenger window only goes down if you push the driver’s side switch forward while pushing down, also don’t put the temperature lever all the way to cold or it starts hissing, oh, and the battery might die from a parasitic drain. No big deal just hit the battery buddy under the hood. Oh yeah, the wipers don’t always stop in the right position and the headlights flicker. Good luck!”

M3: “Okay, but you can’t really unlock the car from the door unless you jiggle the key, use the trunk lock it’s easier. DO NOT under any circumstances open the glovebox, you have to have the magic touch to close it again. Also the driver’s seat recline only goes back forward if you take your weight off of it. The ABS and traction control light might come on. Just drive it for a few feet, turn it off and back on they should go away. The dimmer on the mirror is fragile so when you’re adjusting it hold the little nub thing on the bottom, oh and that rattle from the steering wheel is nothing.”

V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches > EL_ULY
11/02/2015 at 23:44

Lol. What kind of 210 ?

TheD0k_2many toys 2little time > EL_ULY
11/03/2015 at 00:22

don't open the trunk. there may be muffled screams but trust me its nothing

Svend > EL_ULY
11/03/2015 at 00:47

Doh. Even if I haven’t used the windows I double check them when I leave the car. Good thing about VWS and Vauxhall/Opels is that you can press and hold the lock button on the keyfob and it’ll close all windows and sunroof and lock the doors in one press and hold.

Autohaus Derp > EL_ULY
11/03/2015 at 08:58

I agree. Although probably springs, dampers and bushes too in my case.

EL_ULY > Autohaus Derp
11/03/2015 at 09:23

So... when are you buying them for your car? :]

EL_ULY > Svend
11/03/2015 at 09:23

Oh ok. I’ve seen cars that the windows go down in a similar way but not up. TIL :]

EL_ULY > TheD0k_2many toys 2little time
11/03/2015 at 09:24

Yeah, probably nothing

lol :]

EL_ULY > V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches
11/03/2015 at 09:26

2000 E320 (wrecked) and 2002 E320 (currently my little sister’s college whip) I got my mom a 2002 ML 320 that has a bad right rear lock but the electric kind. Even at employee price, I don’t have money to replace it til next pay day lol :] We have plently in stock.... maybe I should charge it to the shop as “damaged” and take it home >:]

EL_ULY > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
11/03/2015 at 09:29

Parasitic drain is no fun, especially to diag. Lol my rear wiper motor has like a dead spot on it and sticks randomly sometimes.

My e36 M3 had fidgety door locks as well. A little lubed fixes that temporarily. The trim of the glove box feel off the day I got it lol.

Autohaus Derp > EL_ULY
11/03/2015 at 09:41

Haha! Car goes into winter hibernation next week, so at that point I will be stockpiling parts like a madman.

I’m thinking some 17x9 Cragar steels, sticky toyos, and eibach springs will be on my christmas list. (To me, from me)

Here’s what she currently looks like:

Kinja'd!!!

EL_ULY > Autohaus Derp
11/03/2015 at 09:47

That should do it. She will ride badass after that for sure.

uofime-2 > EL_ULY
11/03/2015 at 10:39

Do not pull the screw driver out of the center console.

The neutral safety switch to the brake was on the fritz for the last 3 years with my old escort and leaving a screwdriver jammed into the override was a lot easier than tearing the dash apart to figure out what the problem with it was.

EL_ULY > uofime-2
11/03/2015 at 10:40

dat override, such a god feature lol

V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches > EL_ULY
11/03/2015 at 10:43

Lol mischievous

uofime-2 > EL_ULY
11/03/2015 at 10:48

The first time it acted up was at 10pm on Christmas eve while I was 30mi from home at a grocery store.

The only thing that saved me was that I was so in love with the car when I got it at 16 that I read the majority of the manual. I then remembered that detail while in a panic six years later and happend to have my emergency tool kit in my trunk with just what I needed!

Svend > EL_ULY
11/03/2015 at 11:25

Ye’ I recall you have an Audi. It should do it for yours as when I say VWS, I meant VAG cars, sorry.

Where you’d press an hold the unlock button on the keyfob to either fully open (holding button till fully open) or open all windows to the level you want (holding button till open to desired level), is simply the same when you press and holder the lock button.